You put your phone down for a moment – just a moment – and when you turn it back over, the screen’s lit up like Leicester Square.
Has there been a national emergency? Has your nan fallen down the stairs? Has that hilarious Tweet you wrote at 1am last night gone viral?
No, it’s none of the above. I’m afraid my friend, you’ve been added to the first circle of mobile hell: the WhatsApp group chat.
Now don’t get us wrong, WhatsApp chats with your actual mates can be fun. But when you’re rammed in with strangers, someone trying to organise an event, or – heaven forbid – actual family members, you know your phones going to be buzzing with unwanted notifications for the rest of your little life.
Here are the worst offenders in every WhatsApp group chat, and if you don’t know who they are in yours then we’re afraid they’re probably you.
#1 - The serial setter-upper
This person has added you to more groups than you can shake a selfie-stick at. And they all seem to start with the seemingly innocuous words: ‘I just thought it’d be easiest to make this little group…’
#2 - The invisible lurker
Blue ticks, but never replies. Creepy.
#3 - Emojis only
One step above the lurker, this person responds to almost everything with a thumbs up emoji. They’re engaging with the group just enough to fly under the radar, but will never have to contribute more. Genius.
#4 - GIFs only
They’re just discovered how to send GIFs and they are not at all afraid to use them. See also, Bitmoji only.
#5 - The chatty cathy
They refuse to communicate in anything other than seven minute long voice memos, which you then have to listen to on the loo at work.
#6 - The straight outta there
Add them to any group and they will immediately leave without explanation or care for your feelings.
#7 - The maker of plans
They nobley set up events for birthdays, flat-warmings, Thanksgiving dinners and quarter-year anniversaries. It would be nice if it wasn’t every flipping week.
#8 - The breaker of plans
They’re wayyyy too busy with their other (better) group of friends. Soz.
#9 - The sharer
The latest news, ‘funny’ videos of cats, old photos from when you rocked a perm. This person shares content like a budget media outlet.
#10 - The constant communicator
Do they not have a job? This person has the time to message *constantly* about nothing whatsoever. Please. Go. Away.
Avoid being a WhatsApp group cliché – invite your friends on a holiday via the MySwft app. They can vote on dates, destinations, accommodation and anything else important to you, then you can request passport details so there’s no hiding. Phewf!
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